I don't like class reunions. They are the worst type of party, as I've written on here before (search the archives) ..
I also don't much appreciate snobby restaurant attitudes.
But what is the snobbiest party of them all?
I think bridal showers--much more than baby showers. Baby showers are the little reminder: "You're going to have a baby soon and your life as you know it is over." But bridal showers are when people get the tingle of the fairy tale feeling. The notion that the best days are yet to come. And I hope they are! I think they are.. Maybe?
Perhaps restaurants, along with catering wedding events, should start having divorce parties. They'd at least get returning customers up to 60% of the time, right?
The part that I dislike most strongly about the wedding shower: Everyone plays the role they are "supposed to."
Let me give you a step by step rundown of how things go (and this rule is everyone. Very few exceptions)
1) Bride's mother comes in. She demands thumb tacks to hang "Fairy tales come true" banners. She has helpers, most likely including at least one girl under the age of 10, that places the favors on the tables. Normally the 'friends' are in charge of games and place a paper on top of every dinner plate, even though we tell them not to since we are going to serve salads before dinner....
2) Bride enters. She looks a little annoyed. It's fun for her, yes.. but tiring. I have to admit, the bridal shower is the day I feel the worst for the bride. She has to sit in a big chair and open gifts in front of everyone.. even gifts that don't fit her character.
3) Guests arrive. And guests talk.. and chit-chat.. and laugh.. and make fun of men. It's like a fiesta of men bashing. They hate the x and y chromosomes of the male gender. And yes, they compliment each other on outfit choices, and then whisper behind backs on how ugly everyone else is.
4) Food service. Bla bla bla..
5) Dessert service. "Could I have a piece of vanilla?" "Could I have chocolate?" "Is that decaf?" ..bla bla bla..
6) Gift time. The roles really get amplified now. Now is when the female gender takes on a "what did she get" face, frantically looks at each gift, watches each tear of wrapping paper, and expects excitement from the bride.
7) gifts...
8) more gifts.. oh, a coffee maker. Great.. Oh a blow up mattress for camping trips.. nice.. thanks for the tongs! .. oh wow, utensils. and more .. and more..
9) Leftover gifts everyone forgot were there because they were hidden under the table of giant gifts.
and finally.. drumroll where I am the most annoyed of all:
10) The men arrive.
The arrival of the male at a bridal shower is always interesting. They crowd in a separate room and nervously wait and watch through the window in the door wondering how the hell long it takes for 125 gifts to be opened.. but really, all they want to do is fulfill their "role." That role, in this situation, is to carefully place themselves into the keyhole personality type they think they should be in. So they increase their immaturity level, put on their uber male persona, and ask for a beer. And another beer.. and another beer. Normally grandpa asks for a glass of red wine. And he happily drinks it while his younger UBER MALES surround him with empty bottles of clanging beer.
By the end of the female cleanup, each gender has now sufficiently fulfilled their purpose at the bridal shower: To neatly act their part, like placing the right sized pieces onto a puzzle. Nevermind the whole thing of being independent. There is no independence when it comes to the bridal shower.. there is no deviation of the pattern.
And then, step 11.. the cleanup. The headache...
The end.
Stopped for a six pack of Labatt Blue after a long day of work and a night of school.. while in the bar, the cashier was prepping wings. Ok, I get it. It's a bar.. it's not going to be clean, it won't be nice.. it won't be proper, and far be it from me to judge... my wife is in London right now and the shape of the house is less than perfect. I'd say the house of more bachelor. I love my wife, though, so it will be spotless in time for her arrival home next week.
