C O U N T D O W N ? ? ! ! To what!?

READY!?
Set?
go!

The biggest sham of holiday about to commence.. New Years Eve.. the day when everyone puts on their fake smile. Lights up their sad streamers.. puts on their finest sparkly black dress.. nicest tie and shirt. Lobster tale, prime rib, and lots of liquor later, a new year has been born..

It's that time of year when the sad get sadder and the happy get let down.. Ever notice the crowd in the bar or restaurant around 12:30am New Years day? They look like a huge letdown just occurred.. like they the celebration didn't live up to the hype.. And they're NOT wrong!

It doesn't.. ever.

Enjoy the lobster.. ask for butter.. make sure the beer is cold. And hope to be drunk by midnight.. when New Years Day arrives, you'll be too hungover to remember who you kissed or even what new years resolutions you made. Better off that way anyway.. Let Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest usher in the new year with the Jonas Brothers or whatever other pop culture icons will be on TV .. And if you're really not in the spirit, don't forget the Sci-Fi Channel offers up the Twilight Zone marathon every New Years. Sometimes I'd rather be in the twilight zone than offer up tough lobster and undercooked prime rib to people too intoxicated to realize that it's 2009...

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A fellow site in the Schmuckraker family offers a year in review

Schmuckraker website offering a year in review

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There's something about Christmas...

..that changes as you get older. It's not an experience anymore .. maybe more "just a day" .. nonetheless, it was special.

I think it's a little sadder as you get older because you see your family, your parents, your friends..yourself.. All getting a little older. Just a little bit older--or a lot older.

New Years just around the corner now.. Within the coming days, I will share some memories of New Years past at restaurants.. and my thoughts on the holiday.. And how, especially New Years, we truly witness ourselves getting older...

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MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Hope you're not working.. Unless you're a server in a Chinese restaurant..

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600 milligrams of sodium per tea spoon: What they don't know...

I work in both worlds: Office by day, restaurant by night. Interesting always to me when those worlds merge together.. Always at this time of year: Christmas ..

Office parties amaze me. The office workers happy and content sipping on their boxed wine that has a markup of 80% per glass .. Devouring their mouth watering "home cooked" food that is 95% from a box higher in sodium than pig's liver .. Loving that dessert that was bought at a supermarket and spruced up with some cherries and whipped cream that the kitchen staff had to sniff first to make sure it wasn't sour cream instead..

Tis the season for holly jolly joy.. Bathroom trips soon later.

What goes through me like nails on a chalkboard, though, is hearing co-workers think of the server as a mindless robot that just "does and does" instead of gets tired and annoyed. To me, a cardinal rule of being a proper customer is this: If you're beer is a little under half full, and the server is getting drinks for everyone else at the table, SPEAK UP NOW and don't wait until the server comes back to serve the others the drinks they asked for..

Another rule often violated by the typical office customer: The office party is NOT, I repeat, NOT the central focus of the server. It's not the reason they woke up today.. it's not their favorite part of the day. As a matter of fact, it may very well be their least favorite.

Ahh, yes. The merging of two worlds on extreme ends of the spectrum. This weekend, after my office jobs, there will be Christmas parties. Both worlds have their drawbacks.

It must be Christmastime..

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A sea of red.. It's Christmas time again

Break out that red dress! Wash the scarf! Dust off the white turtleneck to go underneath your fuzzy giant red sweater! Get the Christmas tie prepped.. even better if it lights up! Oh, and if it plays music? You've got my vote..

The world's tackiest clothing comes out in full force this time of year--New Years Eve is a close runner up to the obnoxiously red outfits that men and and women proudly wear as they strut into their local catering hall for this year's version of their "Holiday" party..

While the servers get blinded by the bling, the guests and party goers drink until their stomachs are full.. and then some.

The chests puff out a bit.. the red sweaters tightly being stretched around the guts filled with liquors from far and wide..

Last night was an extraordinarily weird party at my secondary place of employment.. There were four Christmas parties at the same time .. Only a few servers on board for all of them. Plated dinners, steak, prime rib, crab cakes, stuffed chicken, pork chop.. Over 140 people in the same room at the same time--at all different parties. Being that they were there for the same type of event, they chose to chip in for a DJ for music.. However, perhaps they were unaware, the DJ was awfully fond of karaoke.. The room was left a mess .. a complete mess. Drunk folks stumbled up to sing their favorite 80s Cheap Trick songs.. People who wanted to just dance were left in a confused state of mind.. "Dance to this guy singing ANGEL IS A CENTERFOLD?" ...nah. Back to the bar..

It was an interesting affair. .And YET another prime example of why Christmas parties remain near the top of my list in most vile catering events..

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Christmas parties from hell

Every year like clockwork, they are in.. Wearing their red dresses.. cocktail skirts so high co-workers are blushing.. The major league asshole management wearing red suspenders and a Santa Claus tie expecting that those flashy holiday outfits will erase the other 11 months of ritualistic abuse they put their workers through.

That's right.. it's holiday party time, all over again..
Could it be more tense!?

Perhaps the worst part of the event is sitting with the group of people that you most don't want to be around. You really don't want to go to work, and the people that are there through the year further agitate you. But at the Christmas party, you must eat drink dine and wine together.. or Whine together.

For the server, it's annoying at first but gets rather funny by the end.. Last night, during one such event, a hospital gave an "employee of the year" award.. There was half applause while the other half of the room suddenly became bitter. As I tried to squeeze my way through a crowd of people at the bar with my tray of empty glasses in hand, I overheard a murmer "asshole" and "how the "f" did he win?" Made me chuckle..

Then the dancing!
oh.. the dancing..

Don't dance! Please! Not for me, but for yourselves!

The fun comes but once a year.. Memories that may not last a lifetime, but at least a season.

Another fun comment:
"Did you see what she is wearing?"

The water cooler will be busy this week.

It's starting to make sense why people get drunk. It's so much easier than dealing with this mess in a stupor as opposed to a sober rage.

Christmas parties from hell.. Tis the season.

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