C O U N T D O W N ? ? ! ! To what!?

READY!?
Set?
go!

The biggest sham of holiday about to commence.. New Years Eve.. the day when everyone puts on their fake smile. Lights up their sad streamers.. puts on their finest sparkly black dress.. nicest tie and shirt. Lobster tale, prime rib, and lots of liquor later, a new year has been born..

It's that time of year when the sad get sadder and the happy get let down.. Ever notice the crowd in the bar or restaurant around 12:30am New Years day? They look like a huge letdown just occurred.. like they the celebration didn't live up to the hype.. And they're NOT wrong!

It doesn't.. ever.

Enjoy the lobster.. ask for butter.. make sure the beer is cold. And hope to be drunk by midnight.. when New Years Day arrives, you'll be too hungover to remember who you kissed or even what new years resolutions you made. Better off that way anyway.. Let Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest usher in the new year with the Jonas Brothers or whatever other pop culture icons will be on TV .. And if you're really not in the spirit, don't forget the Sci-Fi Channel offers up the Twilight Zone marathon every New Years. Sometimes I'd rather be in the twilight zone than offer up tough lobster and undercooked prime rib to people too intoxicated to realize that it's 2009...

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A fellow site in the Schmuckraker family offers a year in review

Schmuckraker website offering a year in review

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There's something about Christmas...

..that changes as you get older. It's not an experience anymore .. maybe more "just a day" .. nonetheless, it was special.

I think it's a little sadder as you get older because you see your family, your parents, your friends..yourself.. All getting a little older. Just a little bit older--or a lot older.

New Years just around the corner now.. Within the coming days, I will share some memories of New Years past at restaurants.. and my thoughts on the holiday.. And how, especially New Years, we truly witness ourselves getting older...

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MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Hope you're not working.. Unless you're a server in a Chinese restaurant..

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600 milligrams of sodium per tea spoon: What they don't know...

I work in both worlds: Office by day, restaurant by night. Interesting always to me when those worlds merge together.. Always at this time of year: Christmas ..

Office parties amaze me. The office workers happy and content sipping on their boxed wine that has a markup of 80% per glass .. Devouring their mouth watering "home cooked" food that is 95% from a box higher in sodium than pig's liver .. Loving that dessert that was bought at a supermarket and spruced up with some cherries and whipped cream that the kitchen staff had to sniff first to make sure it wasn't sour cream instead..

Tis the season for holly jolly joy.. Bathroom trips soon later.

What goes through me like nails on a chalkboard, though, is hearing co-workers think of the server as a mindless robot that just "does and does" instead of gets tired and annoyed. To me, a cardinal rule of being a proper customer is this: If you're beer is a little under half full, and the server is getting drinks for everyone else at the table, SPEAK UP NOW and don't wait until the server comes back to serve the others the drinks they asked for..

Another rule often violated by the typical office customer: The office party is NOT, I repeat, NOT the central focus of the server. It's not the reason they woke up today.. it's not their favorite part of the day. As a matter of fact, it may very well be their least favorite.

Ahh, yes. The merging of two worlds on extreme ends of the spectrum. This weekend, after my office jobs, there will be Christmas parties. Both worlds have their drawbacks.

It must be Christmastime..

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A sea of red.. It's Christmas time again

Break out that red dress! Wash the scarf! Dust off the white turtleneck to go underneath your fuzzy giant red sweater! Get the Christmas tie prepped.. even better if it lights up! Oh, and if it plays music? You've got my vote..

The world's tackiest clothing comes out in full force this time of year--New Years Eve is a close runner up to the obnoxiously red outfits that men and and women proudly wear as they strut into their local catering hall for this year's version of their "Holiday" party..

While the servers get blinded by the bling, the guests and party goers drink until their stomachs are full.. and then some.

The chests puff out a bit.. the red sweaters tightly being stretched around the guts filled with liquors from far and wide..

Last night was an extraordinarily weird party at my secondary place of employment.. There were four Christmas parties at the same time .. Only a few servers on board for all of them. Plated dinners, steak, prime rib, crab cakes, stuffed chicken, pork chop.. Over 140 people in the same room at the same time--at all different parties. Being that they were there for the same type of event, they chose to chip in for a DJ for music.. However, perhaps they were unaware, the DJ was awfully fond of karaoke.. The room was left a mess .. a complete mess. Drunk folks stumbled up to sing their favorite 80s Cheap Trick songs.. People who wanted to just dance were left in a confused state of mind.. "Dance to this guy singing ANGEL IS A CENTERFOLD?" ...nah. Back to the bar..

It was an interesting affair. .And YET another prime example of why Christmas parties remain near the top of my list in most vile catering events..

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Christmas parties from hell

Every year like clockwork, they are in.. Wearing their red dresses.. cocktail skirts so high co-workers are blushing.. The major league asshole management wearing red suspenders and a Santa Claus tie expecting that those flashy holiday outfits will erase the other 11 months of ritualistic abuse they put their workers through.

That's right.. it's holiday party time, all over again..
Could it be more tense!?

Perhaps the worst part of the event is sitting with the group of people that you most don't want to be around. You really don't want to go to work, and the people that are there through the year further agitate you. But at the Christmas party, you must eat drink dine and wine together.. or Whine together.

For the server, it's annoying at first but gets rather funny by the end.. Last night, during one such event, a hospital gave an "employee of the year" award.. There was half applause while the other half of the room suddenly became bitter. As I tried to squeeze my way through a crowd of people at the bar with my tray of empty glasses in hand, I overheard a murmer "asshole" and "how the "f" did he win?" Made me chuckle..

Then the dancing!
oh.. the dancing..

Don't dance! Please! Not for me, but for yourselves!

The fun comes but once a year.. Memories that may not last a lifetime, but at least a season.

Another fun comment:
"Did you see what she is wearing?"

The water cooler will be busy this week.

It's starting to make sense why people get drunk. It's so much easier than dealing with this mess in a stupor as opposed to a sober rage.

Christmas parties from hell.. Tis the season.

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Another Saturday night.. another Hawaiin Tropic Zone moment

When I logged on the big Earthcame Hawaiian Tropic Zone live web feed tonight, Prince's 1999 was playing. Even more 'exciting' were the moments of dead video playing, or weird video.. new cameras from new angles showing nothing but odd Tropic Zone places it appears people are never in..

Boy.. this continues to be fun!

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Happy Thanksgiving..

And if you're working .. Share some horror stories here.

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I guess they're just trying to help..?

A new study in the Journal of Law and Economics says that the only way to stop obesity amongst our beautiful children is to ban fast food ads..

I love this stuff.. Really.. Precious.

We are heavily inundated with ads about fast food--no pun intended, really--but is it only the ads? Is it only the happy face of Ronald McDonald? Is it only the weird ads for Burger King? Is it only the sports stars eating Big Macs (trademarked, of course)?

Or could it be.. what's in the meat!

This week, we learned that the secret ingredient in fast food meat is corn!.. that's right, little yellow nuggets of questionable impact. That coupled with stories in the past about how corn can make you fat .. It leads me to conclude my age old belief that fast food should be avoided at all costs, until perhaps they tell us what ingredients are in meat and why McDonalds contain as much iron .. as they do. Iron.

The question is this, what should be blamed? The ad? Or what the ad is showcasing as fun and good? Perhaps the sources of food should be questioned and the overall great American escapade of what we think food actually is should be thought about.. After all, this is what is in a McDonalds Chicken Nugget:

Chicken, water, salt, modified corn starch, sodium phosphates, chicken broth powder [chicken broth, salt, and natural flavoring (chicken source)], seasoning (vegetable oil, extracts of rosemary, mono, di- and triglycerides, lecithin). Battered and breaded with water, enriched bleached wheat flour (niacin, iron, thiamine mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), yellow corn flour, bleached wheat flour, modified corn starch, salt, leavening (baking soda, sodium acid pyrophosphate, sodium aluminum phosphate, monocalcium phosphate, calcium lactate), spices, wheat starch, dried whey, corn starch. Batter set in vegetable shortening. Cooked in partially hydrogenated vegetable oils, (may contain partially hydrogenated soybean oil and/or partially hydrogenated corn oil and/or partially hydrogenated canola oil and/or cottonseed oil and/or sunflower oil and/or corn oil). TBHQ and citric acid added to help preserve freshness. Dimethylpolysiloxane added as an anti-foaming agent

Lots of stuff. The ads don't mention that, right..? Maybe if they did we'd finally grow up a little and come to maturely realize the real thing that contributes to obesity: Our overall habits and the fact we mistake trash as food..

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People taking things into their own hands..

I have been very surprised lately with the brashness of people at restaurants.. I have seen this act a few times at the restaurant I work at, and also at a few others where I was a customer: Customers going behind the bar, and getting their own beverage. Really.. does anyone else see this occur? To the point where servers, managers, front of the house people, all have to approach the customer and ask 'excuse me, what are you doing?' .. they normally respond factually: "Getting a drink" ..

This happens especially at my establishment of secondary employment during banquets.. often the bar is closed for the length of the dinner service because the bar is in the middle of the kitchen and seating area, so a full bar would be a hindrance to serving food quickly. So .. people take it on themselves to go behind the bar, grab a pitcher of soda, water .. maybe even a beer.

And they are very sneaky about it, too.. Really, does anyone else see this ever happen? Are people going mad!? Why can't they ask the server to quickly get them a pitcher of water or soda.. the server can do that?

I mentioned a few weeks ago during a wedding to a man that the bar was closed until right after dinner. He said, 'ok' .. next I see, he's sneaking behind the bar to grab a beer.. I have to tell him he can't.. A few minutes later, he is trying again.. Another server had to exclaim his inability to DO THIS!

Is this.. maybe not common? Or is this a new pattern of people wanting things so quickly because of life in general that they are taking this practice to their local restaurants??

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Old time is still a flyin'

One day you're sitting pretty.. The restaurant is yours. The next day your losing business.. you want to give the place away.. The final day you're bankrupt.. Cashless and strapped, the only thing left to find solace in is that cold mug of beer---the same one that led you down the path to hanging yourself ..

And years later, when your memory serves you well only part time, you're back in the same restaurant you once had.. dancing in a congo line with an orange wig on your head.. And you may ask yourself .. Well, how did I get here?

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Two of my least favorite things: Raw steaks and class reunion

Two worlds collided tonight..The world of raw steaks at weddings, and the world of class reunions.. My head is still spinning.

Again, words of wisdom on two subjects: Don't order steaks at weddings, and second, don't go to class reunions!

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There's still soup on my fly.. just a few less updates recently..

I'll try harder..

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How drunk is too drunk at a wedding?

Open bar. Ok, I get it. You want to drink.
It's been a long week.

But how drunk is too drunk.

Fluttering eyes.. not seeing straight. Fighting in public.. Forgetting that you were sucking that gut in and now it's hanging out--for both men and women...

How drunk is too drunk at a wedding?

It's "fun" to know they rented a bus for you since they knew you'd get really, really drunk. So drunk that they knew you'd have to leave your car in the parking lot and let the 'drunk bus' take you back to the hotel.. where you'd drool yourself to sleep in a hot tub or a bed...

How drunk is too drunk?

Tonight, I saw too drunk. People so drunk they forgot how to dance.. People so drunk they forgot to have fun. Instead they just got drunk.

Drunk.
Drunk.
Drunker..
Drunkest.
How's the biggest fool feel now? After the hangover goes away?

The server's will still be cleaning up after you ..

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ALL THINGS SPICE

The hot topic in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, is about a waiter and bartender that got fired after speaking to the press about how tips are being affected by changing economic conditions..

Though Pennsylvania is an at-will state, which means an employer can fire without without reason as their discretion, opinions abound about whether the Spice restaurant firing was kind or moral..

Or necessary and right.

Justified or not.. it's legal for the firings to take place.

But the bigger story may be the restaurant world versus everyone else. It's difficult to understand the mindset of a tipped employee unless someone has walked for 10 hours shifts in their shoes.
It's tough to think about living day to day on cash that kind people may leave on a table..

Or sometimes what they don't leave on a table..

Can any rules make it easy? Tip20.com offers some advice.



And the bigger lessen for servers: Never talk to the press. At all. Period... no matter how good of an idea it seems like it will be.

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I hate class reunions, part 2

.. Still don't like them. Maybe now even less.
Lose the haircut.
It's not 1988 anymore..

Who gained weight?

"He doesn't look good"

"What happened to her breasts?"

All the comments can be heard from table to table.. aisle to aisle .. bar chair to bar chair.

And in the end, no matter what person gives out his email addresses on ripped paper, the person on the receiving end will lose them.. throw them out .. or forget who that name and what all those numbers on that paper even mean..

See you in 2018!

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ANOTHER Saturday night at the Hawaiian Tropic Zone

I am completely fascinated with the Hawaiian Tropic Zone as I reported before.. But since it's been a while since I had a Saturday night off, thought I'd check in again..

This time, fascinated with the lack of business on a Saturday night.. And a giant fan.


Is anyone there? Just nod if you can hear me..


And .. no one getting beer tonight!?


And what is with that giant fan!?

Saturday nights just aren't the same anymore..

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The regular crowd shuffles in

The regular crowd can be so fickle.. so two faced. So hard to deal with.

The good days they are nice as can be.. good tips.. great smiles, good conversation.

And in the split of a hair's notice, they can turn their backs on their server.. turn away in anger or protest, angry about the slightest and most meager of restaurant agitators..

The regular crowd.

They demand attention.. They feel that since "their" seat is always there at the same time on the same night, they deserve the world that the restaurant has to offer. The service has to be perfect. The beer is empty? Immediately another one is expected. Food is gone? The server should be cleaning the plate right away. A moment of lapse for the server and the regular customer will immediately and quickly rear the ugly head.

It's tough to deal with .. That regular crowd.

And you put on your fake smile ..

And you just watch for closing time. Even though at closing they expect just an extra few minutes..

And the owner lets them.

After all, they're regulars..

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No matter what they seem like, they are ALL the same..

There are times I truly love to observe people. Truly watch them. Study them. See their every movement..

For example, for me people dancing at weddings is like watching a Discovery Channel special about animals in their habitat. Seeing how the alcohol affects them.. what it does to their motions. Their arms flailing in the air.. By the end of the night the folks that can make it onto the speakers dancing the night away to pop hits like the Macarena or Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy.

But it reminds me, more than anything, that no matter how people seem they will be their wedding ends up being the same.. Double vision.

A few weeks ago, a mom of the bride came into my employment to set her wedding up. This was a nice dig. They rented their own table cloths from an outside company since they didn't like the color of ours.. they rented their own linen napkins.. their own chair covers. But in the end, after their Fillet Mignon and stuffed flounder, they ended up the same as the non-pretentious weddings: Drunk and dancing on speakers.

Yes, indeed, no matter the circumstances behind the party, the crowd wants the same thing: Meat and liquor. And when their primal instincts get 'sassified,' they end up acting and talking the same as every other party..

Egos, I suppose. Maybe it's the ego.

I'd be happy just sitting in a dark corner with my wife or friends drinking an ice cold Coors Light (as I am now at my computer) .. but some folks need speakers to dance [badly] on.

Chair covers or just plain chairs, your crowd will get drunk, too. The lesson to learn: Don't let your ego get the best of you. You're just like the others.. No changes, no differences. Life is short, stop trying to act better than everyone else.

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High times

The most odious of behaviors restaurant employees can possess is the potent ability to show up for work under the influence of something.. I don't know what, but something.

What about it makes it so uncomfortable?

Maybe dropping trays of food on people? Maybe buspans in the kitchen spilling all over the floor.. Maybe those awkward conversations you begin with folks .. randomly and for no apparently rhyme or reason..

Be cool. Stay in school.

Just say no.

Wait until after work. Get messed up on a cold Coors Light.

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And ... that bread

And interesting take on the doughy goodness we all expect when we sit down..

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Things are a changin'

A fellow blogger on the declining service in the service industry..

He's so right when he says,

"What about when you have this ugly guy waiter that insists on crouching down at the side of the table to "look you in the eye" when he talks to you? What the hell is this? If I wanted to look him in the eye I would stand up when I gave him my order. If he is trying to get more personal by doing this he’s right. Now I get a better wiff of his bad coffee breath!

Then when the food comes, don’t you hate it when the waiter, or food runner, has to say "Who gets the Chicken Marsala?" "You ordered the burger, right?"

How so very, very true.

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Wedding fear: Bloody steaks can turn your grandmother into a blood thirsty vampire!

I'm not naming names. But don't order steaks at weddings.

Ok, ok. Here we go, again, no names being mentioned.

I often think people that order that thick cut fillet mignons be a choice for guests at their wedding are simply trying to impress others. Really. Chicken, fish, beef, all that is fine. But intricately cooked steaks? It can lead to problems.

Recently, a wedding ordered steaks. I have to say the kitchen tried their best.. the guests of honor were going to get hot steaks straight off the grill. The bad thing is because dinner service at a wedding has to stick to the confines set already in the contract, you never know with surety how that thick fillet will end up being in the middle. Often times it's red, which I suppose hardcore carnivores believe is the best way to eat meat, but also sometimes it's rare. Bloody rare, to be exact.

A few years ago, a wedding was held where I work.. Steaks, again at that wedding, were the choice meat for guests. The haddock eaters lucked out at that one. That particular wedding featured lots of blood. The amount of blood would have made Charles Manson excited beyond his wildest expectations. The grandmother of the bride at that wedding was in an advanced age of her life, most likely beyond 86. She had bright white hair.. she didn't look 86, though. She sadly looked older. But she did a polka so I think she felt young. Nonetheless, the lights dimmed, she cut into her steak.. and blood poured out. A few servers asked if she wanted it cooked longer, she said no. We gave up. And at the end, the shiny white haired grandmother literally had blood streaming down her face from her mouth, eyes bright in the dim dinner lights. She looked a little like a vampire on the hunt for blood. In this case, there was no reason to hunt, the blood was served to her. Immediately after, a bathroom trip was made.

Hopefully prospective brides and grooms reading thing will take this story to heart. Don't let your grandmother with nice bright white hair become the next blood-thirsty Dracula.. at least not at your wedding.

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One tough crowd: The restaurant worker and senior citizens

Simply an observation: The toughest crowd to wait on would have to be senior citizens.

And God love them! I'll be there one day, too. These folks are older, of course, but also veterans, mothers, fathers, daughters, survivors of history. They saw it all. And they want their food now.

I am not personally singling them out of difficult because of their advanced age, but more so because they use their advanced age as a reason to apparently demand service in a restaurant that no one else demands.

It's got to be said.

It's a group of people loves their butter, their pie and cake, and their coffee, too. They can literally drink one pot of coffee per senior. How do they take their prescription drugs with all of this caffeine? They rarely even ask for decaf!

One particular busy night a few weeks ago, I waited on a table of senior citizens hell bent on getting their breaded stuffed pork chops. Eight women, combined age of the table most likely was about 560 years old, demanded their straight up Manhattans and Martinis, along with a few Jack and Cokes, their breaded fried chops and mashed potatoes smothered in pork gravy, rolls and butter (and of course every time I'd walk by the table they wanted extra butter pads) and finally apple pie. Microwaved hot, scoop of ice cream on the side. All that and about three pots of coffee later, they were set to go. And go they had to! They demanded quick checks. Half of them had to use the bathroom, the other half wanted water so they could take their prescription drugs. All separate checks, by the way. Another demand often set by tables of seniors.

They're a tough crowd. And they go to eat a lot. Buffets, Sunday brunches, Friday night steaks. They judge accordingly. They've been around.

Like I said, I'll be there one day too, God willing I live a long life. And one day, too, I may demand my stuffed pork chops.

I already like coffee and often take aspirins for muscle and chest pains.

I guess I'm halfway senior already.

I want more butter.

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HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR STAY

A friend asked me a pretty good question: If you work a wedding every week, does it cheapen the event?

I think I knew where he was going with that.

I see the same thing, each week. Nervous parents of the bride and groom worried something will go wrong. A few worried about the food service, some about the timing. .music.. weather. etc etc.

While it always seems to work out, the whole function in general can get boring for the average server. While it's fun to find the person in the crowd that will have the "bust out" cleavage experience while dancing, or the lone guy that wants to just get drunk and hopefully pick up a girl that won't mind his breath, bad hair and suit, or obnoxious attitude, the whole process of setting up, serving, and cleaning up can get pretty mundane.

Which is fine.

After all, the job of the catering hall, server, and bartender, is to be experienced enough to know what all are doing, and make the 5 hour stay of the guests enjoyable. It's supposed to run smoothly, it's supposed to be same ole' same ole'..

After all, no matter how many times I see steak, stuffed chicken, make salads, serve drinks, and clean up beads on a table that can break a sweeper, it's new and fresh for the guests. It may be the the first time they ever experienced that crab stuffed chicken. Though I see it a lot. It may be the first time that Fillet Mignon entered their digestive system. A lot of times for me.

One thing that is a plus for a server, though, is the fact that while the event and service stays the same, the crowd can be remarkably different. That's what I guess makes it new enough to keep doing it. Even though I am getting really sick of seeing stuffed chicken breasts...

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Ed Rendell signs smoking ban

Pennsylvania the newest state to ban smoking..

MORE: Governor Rendell signed the legislation, which goes into effect in 90 days..

The bill enacted restricts smoking in most public places, including eating establishments. There were exemptions in the bill. For example, smoking will be allowed at bars that take in less than 20 percent of their revenue from food sales. Fudge those books while you have time!

Mixed reactions in the Keystone State.

Among the exemptions: Those exempted from Pennsylvania's smoking ban:


· Bars deriving less than 20 percent of their revenue from food sales


· Tobacco shops


· Private clubs like the American Legion, Owls Club and VFW, depending on votes by their membership


· Portions of casino floors

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Look to France

Smoking continues to get banned in more and more states across the United States.. and as it happens, look to the French!

saying goodbye to restraurants and bars that banned smoking in favor of private clubsthat allow it..

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The world about to change in New York City

Goodbye old world, hello health.

Trans fats are banned in New York City as of July 1, 2008. The final phase of new regulations in the city requiring restaurants to clear artificial trans fat from all their menu items. Foods served in the manufacturer’s original, sealed packaging, such as candy and crackers, are still exempt..

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The brave new fast food world

Maybe they can make peace?

25 brand new Hardees to open in Pakistan

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LIfe is better yet again

Taco Bell is saving the day. They are restocking tomates at their restaurants..

MORE:
They are working to resupply their restaurants with tomatoes from areas that have been cleared of salmonella risk by federal health officials..

..now think about that meat!

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I ate tomatoes today..

I did. Really.

I didn't go to the store to get them. I bought local. I try to buy local as much as possible.

As a matter of fact, it was possibly the best tomato I ate in a while. I walked proud holding my basket.. Red.. really red. Juicy. Seeds.. Watery. . got home, put a little salt on the tomato, a little pepper, and just a touch of olive oil.

While the rest of the nation is frightened by the salmonella scare I ate tomatoes. And it felt great.

Also purchased: Asparagus.. red leaf lettuce. Strawberries. All grown locally. I left with confidence.

Buy locally. Eat locally. Get to know your food. You are exactly what you eat--and what your food eats, too.

PHOTO: A box of Louisiana creole tomatoes is seen on display at a roadside stand Tuesday, June 10, 2008, in Chalmette, La. With the nation gripped in a tainted tomato scare, Louisiana is just starting to bring in their crop of Creole tomatoes. Tomatoes harvested in Louisiana are not affected by the recent salmonella outbreak and are safe to consume, the Food and Drug Administration said Monday.
(AP Photo/Bill Haber)

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The dream is bigger than me..

How to open a restaurant. I've often thought about it--yes even with all of its problems, there is something about having a restaurant I find interesting.

I love to cook.. I would love to be able to make dinners that could truly quench a hungry body..

But where do I begin? I am broke.. I am working two jobs, bills like everyone else. No savings to start something of this nature.. Small? Big? A coffee shop? A donut shop? Fine dining? Hell.. a hot dog cart?! It's got to begin somewhere..
As I think and delve deeper in this thought, I'll keep people posted.
It's a dream, of course. It could become a nightmare if it happens. But it's a dream.

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HOT .. HOT .. HOT

The wedding was exceptionally uncomfortable.. Hot as hell.
The air conditioning system in the restaurant didn't work great, either. It was battling 180 people with hot breath, about 165 candles, and a heat wave outside so uncomfortable that parts of the body you didn't know had pores were sweating..

And in the end, it was fine. The wedding, as all others, work out.. even until the very end when the last few more curious bridesmaids stuck around trying to talk to the bartenders in order to do one of the following: 1) Get free drinks, 2)Get a ride to the next bar and ditch the bartenders, 3) make filthy love to the bartenders even though they really aren't attracted to them but 'we' are just slutty, or 4) all of the above.

As I drove away from work with the three bridesmaids competing over two bartenders, the bridesmaids' ride quickly pulled back into the restaurant parking lot. The bartenders dreams were about to be crushed.. And I was on my way home to see my wife and a cold bottle of Coors Light.

Another night .. soup on the fly..

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HEAT WAVE WEDDING

MEMO TO THOUGHTFUL BRIDES: Re-think outside summertime weddings..

Working a wedding today in about 45 minutes.. The ceremony, though it will be evening, will be outside with reception inside to follow.. It's currently 92 degrees with a heat index above 100. Outside wedding. No water. 186 guests.
Evening a ramped up air conditioning system won't be able to match up against the puddles of sweat that will be following the wedding guests into the restaurant. No, instead, throngs of hot people will limp their sweaty feet and legs up to the bar stool, sit down, get drunk quickly without food, and further compromise their own inside health system during the heat wave. Followed up with their choice of chicken, beef, or fish.

When I got married, I toyed with the notion of an outside ceremony. Though my wife and I got married in late October. When it's breathable and comfortable for the most part.

Perhaps if I was a guest at today's outdoors ceremony, I'd re-think that check I wrote out.. Punish me? .. punish you!

Weddings during heat waves.

Always fun.

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The $175 burger

Gas prices are through the roof, food prices are the highest in memory, but a New York City restaurant is offering up a burger for $175.00!

It's made of Kobe beef. It comes with black truffles, foie gras and Gruyere cheese in addition to gold flakes, and the burger shop owner thinks it's a "work of art"..

Guess what. It's a burger.

For my money, or lack thereof, the best burgers on earth can be found at the Jackson House in Harrisburg, PA and the average price there is about $6 bucks.

Really..$175..? The gilded age has returned apparently.

I know, I know, it's topped with Foie Gras (I've talked about Foie Gras before).. And yes, there are wild mushrooms on it. But it rained this weekend and there are wild mushrooms growing at the bottom of my yard.

Life is short. Try everything. But I would argue that a burger costing you $175 in some bad economic times may be the absolute opposite of common sense..

NOW.. With all that said? Would I try it? Minus the Foie Gras, yes. And minus the Foie Gras, it would be probably the cost of a $6 Jackson House Harrisburg PA burger, which I would eat happily any day.

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Saturday night at the Hawaiian Tropic Zone

I don't get it.. I just don't get it.

I have been watching the Hawaiian Tropic Zone live on Earthcam.com for the past half hour .. really .. I've watched bored waitresses shuffle around table place cards.. I saw a few people at the bar come and go. One heavy set fellow continuously walking up to people getting in their space until they moved.. It lost it's entertaining value after only a few minutes, but I kept watching.

The Earthcam preview of the video says I can catch pageants and beautiful waitresses.. streamed live online into my quaint Pennsylvania house.

Always live...

Fergalicious playing as another waitress yawns.

It got me thinking..

The whole idea of watching servers and customers eating and drinking is pretty natural in our modern day era of having no secrets. I would have to assume that customers to the Tropic Zone know beforehand that there would be a good chance that anyone in the world at any time could be watching them. If you have to scratch or pick your nose, the bathrooms don't have cameras.

But imagine if other restaurants go this route? I wouldn't mind it.

I'd like to see a few of them stream live into my living room.

Some could be a net sensation.. 1am at a dive bar in Anytown, USA, catch the latest fight. The latest fish net stocking ripped with Coors Light or Whiskey spilled all over it. The latest falling down drunk stumbling to the urinal behind a pool table..
Watch the wealthy as their pick their teeth with the finest of tooth cleaning instruments.. Watch the downtrodden in soup kitchens. You name it. Reality could be yours. The future is ours.

Fergalicious could play across the world! Live online! As the servers yawn away waiting for their shift to end .. so can they can be off camera and live their lives.

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When business lunches meet the restaurant world

For those that may not know, I work in two industries, two of them being polar opposites. The restaurant industry, obviously, and the business world in an office.

I worked in restaurants since the age of 15.. I got the "real job" at 21.. and still worked "part time" at a restaurant (the hours are of course, more full time anyway..)

Nonetheless.. The other day, I was pretty much made to go to a business lunch. One of those quick sandwich and soup type of things when men and women in business attire prance and dance into restaurants expressing their snotty and high browed faces. They act as though the restaurant staff doesn't breath oxygen.. maybe they live on some type of chemical, maybe they just breath in business workers' carbon dioxide.

I am usually the person at the business lunch that stacks the plates and hands it to the server.. the others at the table normally ignore the workers while they try to grab the plates.

I remember those days before my "real job" at the office when I was waiting on tables at lunch time.. It was the most dreaded time for me. These people are uptight, they normally eat tuna salad sandwiches, and they all want unsweetened ice tea. Really.. You think I believe you eat that way all the time? They go home and each McDonalds or gigantic dinners. They didn't get to be 300 pounds eating tuna salads with oil and vinegar.. who are they kidding?

In the grand order of all, I think business lunches may rank up there with class reunions on the list of "Types of events I hate working for" ..

But as a worker in both industries now, I feel comraddery with the restaurant worker much more than the office workers next to me at the table..

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HELL'S KITCHEN STILL STRONG IN RATINGS

The show doing exceptionally well with 18-49 year olds .. So far it appears the cast may be the worst of the series, but the show is continuously scoring well in spring time ratings..

I smell another season.

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One last note about Mother's Day

One of the most ignorant things a parent could do is leave their child's mess on the floor after the leave.
I know, I know. We're waiters and waitresses.. We can clean. We can re-set tables. But a giant pile of crackers, cookies, meat, spaghetti sauce, and chicken pieces littering the floor makes it a bit harder. Also, when there's carpetting? Yes.. Potatos do mash in when MOM AND DAD step on them..
Just a note.

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One of "those" types of bosses

Robert Burda of Dublin, Ohio, was fined $50,000 for not paying his workers .. Nice work, Mr. Burda.. I'm sure you made lives a living hell.

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For those out there that don't know, I work two jobs.. one is an office, and the other a restaurant. I sort of work the pounds of desk work away on weekends ..

Someone at the pencil pushing job read my post about Mother's Day. They requested that, as a waiter, I share my opinions.. I did. I sent them the post.

They had no comments.
They were actually a little mad at me. They thought I was a bit insensitive.

But of course, the source of this is someone that orders takeout for lunch, but quickly complains minutes later for insinnificant details of her food.. Too much lettuce in a salad, not enough sausage on her meat lovers personal pizza.. So consider the source.

But it's also a little reminder that people that never worked in the restaurant industry don't really understand.

I get it.

My wife works as a massage therapist, and there is surely on way in hell I can undersatand the pains in her shoulder, rist, and hands when she gets home from a long day.

But .. for my co-worker to ask an opinion, get it, and be angry at is, is a little disingenious.

I also found out she was taken out by her kids on Mother's Day. . . could there be a likelyhood here that she will be a customer that will not be forgotten...?

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Mother's Day .. over and out

Made it through..Didn't think we could do it. But even sinking ships still sail for a while. Luckily this one got back to the dock before the whole thing went down.

Three wheelchairs. One oxygen tank ..
Five walkers.
25 screaming children..
421 packed in sardines grazing on food.

Mother's Day is over.. until next year. Rest up.

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GOOD LUCK, FELLOW SERVERS

Tonight is the eve of the most dreaded, horrid, and awful day in the world for the restaurant world: Mother's Day.

Maybe not the most dreaded for business owners.. After all, they're busy trying to shove and squeeze last minute reservations in the book even though it appears that it is booked!

The wheelchairs, the walkers.. All out in full force tomorrow.

Snobby sons and ditsy daughters. Many of them seeing mom for the first time since they chose to take her out of the home a year ago.. Most likely on Mother's Day.

"Get anything you want mom."
"I just want pudding, or a sandwich."

Mom eats half a cup of soup and sandwich while the kids dine away on prime rib and shrimp scampi. Ain't life grand?

I never understood why exactly Mother's Day was the busiest restaurant day of the year. It's unpleasant beyond mom's wildest expectations.

Even the nicest and best restaurants end up serving lackluster food, cramping too many people in, and end up with slow service. It's the time to not be at a restaurant.

But it's the kids that think it all up. "Let's take mom out this year!"

A rose, or carnation, and a steak dinner. Or chicken dinner. Or just soup. "I'm not hungry."

Back to the home.

It's going to be over soon, servers. But get ready: The worst is yet to come. And when it's 9pm on the East Coast it will only be 6pm on the West. Good luck all.

Keep smiling.. Make it out alive.

AND be forewarned: It never fails, at least one worker will be a no-show on Mother's Day.

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MISSISSIPPI GOING TOO FAR WITH FAT

Maybe they are. It's not a law yet, but as the SMOKING GUN website is reporting, Mississippi may be the first state in the union to make it illegal for a restaurant to serve someone 'obese' food!

But what is obese!

According to the SMOKING GUN, the bill is dead on arrival.

But it's also alarming on arrival. As we all know, time heals all wounds.. and makes it easier for fanatical health nuts to dictate the way we all should live.

There are problems with obesity in America .. especially Southern food. Let's not forget how there is a lot of enjoyment of fried food, high in cholesterol, and low in fiber, foods across the South..

But the problem, really, is that a few legislators trying to make others healthy .. by making it illegal for them to eat in retaurants and making it illegal for the owner of a food establishment to give them food..

The bill attempts to create a situation that giving food to obese is like giving a gun to a murderer.. Obesity is not a crime. And should not be. And it should never be criminalized for a restaurant to serve food.

And by the way.. who determines what is too fat to go into a restaurant? A scale at the front door.. A bouncer having to remove patrons?

It will have to be a big bouncer. Hopefully not obese. Or he won't eat.

From some of the sites I've been reading.. Mississippi isn't too happy with their Bobby Shows, W.T. Mayhall, Jr, and John Read .. the authors of the ridiculous bill...

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DINING OUT WITH LESS MONEY

STARBUCKS is abandoning its hopes for new restaruants in the United States.. And economic downturn isn't helping across the world.

But it made me think. If people can't afford the $4 dollar cup of coffee, are they affording to go out to eat as much as we all think they do?
What are the trends during a downturn? After all, if you went to the grocery store lately, everything is getting higher in price.

In 2007, the downturn started to effect the food service industry. With the exception of a few places that never seem to get hurt quickly by economic problems.

The National Restaurant Association said that the food service industry declined for a fourth consecutive month in 2007. December 2007 saw the lowest level of sales since February 2003, according to the Association report.

And it's not just customers changing their habits. According to the report from the Association, the percentage of restaurant owners that are concerned about the performance of the economy is also up. More from the report..



And with all the news of the industry a little nervous about the future, Burger King is boasting big sales. BK claims big growth in sales globally..



What will 2008 bring?
Can America stop dining out as much as it does?
One restaurant owner told me that he sees the same if not more people coming to his establishment. But what they order is different. No prime rib dinners.. instead it's baked pork chops, chicken, or a sandwich.

Our love for dining out isn't going to change. If the market changes the industry, the industry will evolve. The true people that the downturn could eventually hurt would be tipped employees..

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