Tale of the waiter...The unsung hero: The Fourth of July wedding, 2009

I'm not trying to pat myself on the back, but I may have saved a life tonight//

It was a fourth of July wedding--really, I was sick a year ago when I saw that a Saturday fell on July 4th.. The calender is cruel. Wedding season is here.. And there WAS a wedding tonight, the Fourth of July..

The crowd was as some crowds can be.. Incoherent, drunk, rude, etc etc etc.. I could write a book, I'll tell you.

But a strange situation developed around 8pm.. A man on the front porch appeared to be either extremely intoxicated into oblivion, or as many around him said, having a heart attack...

Luckily, my paranoid father gave me a heart healthy Aspirin only moments before I went to work, he worries about me, and I worry about him for the heart reasons--problems run in the family.

Little did I know that by not taking that heart healthy pill like I should have I would have possibly saved a life only hours later..

When I heard someone may have been having a heart attack, I quickly brought the pill out, instructed the 20 some odd drunk wedding folks around him holding his head and feet up in the air to tell him to chew the pill and keep it under his tongue.. Moments later he walked to the car, and chose his wife to take him to the hospital instead of the ambulance..

A completely unexpected burst of reality on a wedding day filled with "joy" (and rudeness that only two families brought together in love can show)

...Reminds me of the time years ago when I was a busboy and a napkin in a bread basket got too close to a candle on the table and caught ablaze.. I poured a water pitcher with ice over top of it, not caring that I also wettened 6 customers.

It also reminded me of the time--again when I was a busboy--when a woman literally had a stroke in my arms.. I caught her and held her until the ambulance arrived..

We think of ourselves as constant--and we never figure the Angel of Death will show up on our door when we're drinking ourselves into oblivion.. But it can. And sometimes does.

Luckily tonight I had a heart healthy Aspirin.

It didn't wreck the spirit of the evening, either.. fireworks were set off in the parking lot after the wedding.. Few noticed the 65ish-year-old man wasn't there to see them...

P.S. >> After everything was said and done tonight, the evening ended with a clearly large intoxicated male telling me and a bartender that the owner should fire us because of how bad we were at our jobs..

Thanks a million.
Nah, make it a billion.

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A WEDDING ON THE FOURTH OF JULY..

NO KIDDING.. REALLY. MORE LATER.

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Yahoo! re-airing information from "WAITER RANT" .. .. my reactions in bold..


1. Avoid eating out on holidays and Saturday nights. The sheer volume of customers guarantees that most kitchens will be pushed beyond their ability to produce a high-quality dish.

I agree.. Mother's Day may be the worst.. but quality wise the food is at its worst, along with service. Even at the nicest places..

2. There are almost never any sick days in the restaurant business. A busboy with a kid to support isn't going to stay home and miss out on $100 because he's got strep throat. And these are the people handling your food.

Yep. I've seen it.. No sick pay within the industry .. therefore it's fair to see this is very true..

3. When customers' dissatisfaction devolves into personal attacks, adulterating food or drink is a convenient way for servers to exact covert vengeance. Some waiters can and do spit in people's food.

I guess so, but I actually think it's not as widespread as people think. I personally who have never seen it happen.

4. Never say "I'm friends with the owner." Restaurant owners don't have friends. This marks you as a clueless poseur the moment you walk in the door.

Ha! Yes.. Friends with the owner. Maybe the owners does know the person, but that will make the rest of the staff hate the customer even more..

5. Treat others as you want to be treated. (Yes, people need to be reminded of this.)

True.. But servers should remember that too. Too often they get overly judgemental of customers and aren't quiet about airing their complaints to fellow staff..

6. Don't snap your fingers to get our attention. Remember, we have shears that cut through bone in the kitchen.

Snapping fingers happens, but for one of two reasons: 1) It's older people that are used to doing it or 2) they are from 'the city'..

7. Don't order meals that aren't on the menu. You're forcing the chef to cook something he doesn't make on a regular basis. If he makes the same entrée 10,000 times a month, the odds are good that the dish will be a home run every time.

I disagree.. I think a chef feels a compliment when someone trusts him/her to make something new. I think a non-menu item could end up tremendously better.

8. Splitting entrées is okay, but don't ask for water, lemon, and sugar so you can make your own lemonade. What's next, grapes so you can press your own wine?

I don't get this one.. Economically the entree idea is good.. But isn't sugar normally on a table??

9. If you find a waiter you like, always ask to be seated in his or her section. Tell all your friends so they'll start asking for that server as well. You've just made that waiter look indispensable to the owner. The server will be grateful and take good care of you.

It has its limits. I don't think I'd tell friends, either.. then you either look stalkerish or gay, depending on your gender.

10. If you can't afford to leave a tip, you can't afford to eat in the restaurant. Servers could be giving 20 to 40 percent to the busboys, bartenders, maître d', or hostess.

I agree.. It's been a longstanding issue with this website.. I think people need to understand that most people working at restaurants are working it for extra cash. Typically it's a second job or a job while they're in school..

11. Always examine the check. Sometimes large parties are unaware that a gratuity has been added to the bill, so they tip on top of it. Waiters "facilitate" this error. It's dishonest, it's wrong-and I did it all the time.

Mostly happens with parties of 6 or more, but it could happen. I think examining the check for accuracy is even more important..

12. If you want to hang out, that's fine. But increase the tip to make up for money the server would have made if he or she had had another seating at that table.

Yep. I agree.. Some places make the 'hanging out time' completely unbearable.. So hang out if you must but also take a hint if you do.

13. Never, ever come in 15 minutes before closing time. The cooks are tired and will cook your dinner right away. So while you're chitchatting over salads, your entrées will be languishing under the heat lamp while the dishwasher is spraying industrial-strength, carcinogenic cleaning solvents in their immediate vicinity.

Ha, never thought of the cleaning solvents near food at the witching hour.. but it's true. I think even more is that customers need too maintain a certain etiquitte.. Clearly coming in to a restaurant at 9:55 when it closes at 10 is a little rude. But the restaurant should also be smart about it. For example, "kitchen closes at 9:30" is a smart rule.. That way, coming at 9:25 is a little better than 9:55..

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And here we go again. Another outside wedding with the possibility of storms.. and humidity at 100%. Nice choice.

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My first wedding this summer.. as a customer

I judged the food. The bartenders. The servers.. Amazing how, even as a guest at a wedding, the server in my never seems to leave..

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I'm a customer today..

..my thoughts later..

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12,000 restaurants too many

A Stifel Nicolaus analyst says that the restaurant industry is overcrowded and that 12,000 locations may have to close to 'match consumer demand' ..

Steve West, the analyst 12,000 restaurants may not want to meet, said the bar and grill segment of the industry has reported declining traffic for some time and about 7,500 bar and grills may have to shut down..West notes that business expense accounts aren't giving much business to restaurants lately..

Stifel Nicolaus is the largest subsidiary of Stifel Financial Corp. and is a member of SIPC and listed on the New York Stock Exchange.

Stifel Financial Corp offers securities-related financial services in the United States and Europe

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Restaurants "cross the line" to keep business..

The restaurants being focused on by USA TODAY are all chain and theme restaurants. KFC offers grilled chicken.. Pizza Hut offers pasta.. McDonalds offers nice coffee..

All interesting and yes all showing that restaurants have to change their culture and environment to keep things exciting and interesting, but the USA TODAY article didn't go as far as it could it. Taking the easy way out and just looking at the major high prized chains isn't a true snapshot of one the real restaurants are doing to survive the economic collapse the nation hasn't recovered from yet..

What are the small places doing? How are the menus changing?

I know at least two of three of my favorite places have raised prices to the point where I can't go there anymore. One in particular has excellent pizza, but a pizza, salad, and 2-liter of Coke costing $26 bucks is a bit much for my poor taste. Frozen pizzas have as much salt and fat and are much cheaper.. Frozen for me from now on..

Likewise, some higher-end establishments that I am aware of are losing some business.. Instead of raising prices too much they are trying to offer extended happy hours, newer drinks, or a lower priced menu during certain hours..

And finally, the Jackson House, my favorite burger restaurant in Harrisburg, PA, offers the same product at the same price and is still doing the same great business it always did..

The real story in the new economy is "changing" things up, but instead offering the best product at the best price.. Places like the Jackson House or Devito's in Ashland, PA (my favorite pizza joint) are offering good products at fair prices.

It doesn't mean that the restaurants won't eventually fail.. It just means that they have a good competitive edge that gives them more breathing room in a time when so many other meager and tasteless food establishments have stopped breathing...

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A different kind of wedding..

Not all crowds are the same.. I appreciate that, really. Last night was a perfect showing of that difference in wedding guests..

It was a self-described "hick" wedding. They wore suits, though, it wasn't a ho-down .. Although could have easily become one!

The groom wore a hat the entire night.. The bride actually looked quite nice and classy..

The beer was flowing after dinner.. late-night horderves were served to compliment their drinks..

And country music playing loud. Then they did karaoke .. Yea.. karaoke at a wedding. Interesting move, I guess.

I can't say the atmosphere wasn't fun, though.

It wasn't as stuffy and edgy as some "wealthier" weddings in the restaurant.. it wasn't as tense as a few weddings where money was a consideration in everything. This wedding was simple, the cake was plain and homemade, the bar was only open for an hour and the rest was cash (a little different for a wedding, but the valley folk brought $50s with them for the evening) and the dancing went late into the night.. It switched to all country about halfway through. And never looked back with regret.

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Thank you: Take a moment of silence from your food and beer to remember the reason you're allowed to eat and drink in the first place

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