High times

The most odious of behaviors restaurant employees can possess is the potent ability to show up for work under the influence of something.. I don't know what, but something.

What about it makes it so uncomfortable?

Maybe dropping trays of food on people? Maybe buspans in the kitchen spilling all over the floor.. Maybe those awkward conversations you begin with folks .. randomly and for no apparently rhyme or reason..

Be cool. Stay in school.

Just say no.

Wait until after work. Get messed up on a cold Coors Light.

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And ... that bread

And interesting take on the doughy goodness we all expect when we sit down..

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Things are a changin'

A fellow blogger on the declining service in the service industry..

He's so right when he says,

"What about when you have this ugly guy waiter that insists on crouching down at the side of the table to "look you in the eye" when he talks to you? What the hell is this? If I wanted to look him in the eye I would stand up when I gave him my order. If he is trying to get more personal by doing this he’s right. Now I get a better wiff of his bad coffee breath!

Then when the food comes, don’t you hate it when the waiter, or food runner, has to say "Who gets the Chicken Marsala?" "You ordered the burger, right?"

How so very, very true.

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Wedding fear: Bloody steaks can turn your grandmother into a blood thirsty vampire!

I'm not naming names. But don't order steaks at weddings.

Ok, ok. Here we go, again, no names being mentioned.

I often think people that order that thick cut fillet mignons be a choice for guests at their wedding are simply trying to impress others. Really. Chicken, fish, beef, all that is fine. But intricately cooked steaks? It can lead to problems.

Recently, a wedding ordered steaks. I have to say the kitchen tried their best.. the guests of honor were going to get hot steaks straight off the grill. The bad thing is because dinner service at a wedding has to stick to the confines set already in the contract, you never know with surety how that thick fillet will end up being in the middle. Often times it's red, which I suppose hardcore carnivores believe is the best way to eat meat, but also sometimes it's rare. Bloody rare, to be exact.

A few years ago, a wedding was held where I work.. Steaks, again at that wedding, were the choice meat for guests. The haddock eaters lucked out at that one. That particular wedding featured lots of blood. The amount of blood would have made Charles Manson excited beyond his wildest expectations. The grandmother of the bride at that wedding was in an advanced age of her life, most likely beyond 86. She had bright white hair.. she didn't look 86, though. She sadly looked older. But she did a polka so I think she felt young. Nonetheless, the lights dimmed, she cut into her steak.. and blood poured out. A few servers asked if she wanted it cooked longer, she said no. We gave up. And at the end, the shiny white haired grandmother literally had blood streaming down her face from her mouth, eyes bright in the dim dinner lights. She looked a little like a vampire on the hunt for blood. In this case, there was no reason to hunt, the blood was served to her. Immediately after, a bathroom trip was made.

Hopefully prospective brides and grooms reading thing will take this story to heart. Don't let your grandmother with nice bright white hair become the next blood-thirsty Dracula.. at least not at your wedding.

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One tough crowd: The restaurant worker and senior citizens

Simply an observation: The toughest crowd to wait on would have to be senior citizens.

And God love them! I'll be there one day, too. These folks are older, of course, but also veterans, mothers, fathers, daughters, survivors of history. They saw it all. And they want their food now.

I am not personally singling them out of difficult because of their advanced age, but more so because they use their advanced age as a reason to apparently demand service in a restaurant that no one else demands.

It's got to be said.

It's a group of people loves their butter, their pie and cake, and their coffee, too. They can literally drink one pot of coffee per senior. How do they take their prescription drugs with all of this caffeine? They rarely even ask for decaf!

One particular busy night a few weeks ago, I waited on a table of senior citizens hell bent on getting their breaded stuffed pork chops. Eight women, combined age of the table most likely was about 560 years old, demanded their straight up Manhattans and Martinis, along with a few Jack and Cokes, their breaded fried chops and mashed potatoes smothered in pork gravy, rolls and butter (and of course every time I'd walk by the table they wanted extra butter pads) and finally apple pie. Microwaved hot, scoop of ice cream on the side. All that and about three pots of coffee later, they were set to go. And go they had to! They demanded quick checks. Half of them had to use the bathroom, the other half wanted water so they could take their prescription drugs. All separate checks, by the way. Another demand often set by tables of seniors.

They're a tough crowd. And they go to eat a lot. Buffets, Sunday brunches, Friday night steaks. They judge accordingly. They've been around.

Like I said, I'll be there one day too, God willing I live a long life. And one day, too, I may demand my stuffed pork chops.

I already like coffee and often take aspirins for muscle and chest pains.

I guess I'm halfway senior already.

I want more butter.

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HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR STAY

A friend asked me a pretty good question: If you work a wedding every week, does it cheapen the event?

I think I knew where he was going with that.

I see the same thing, each week. Nervous parents of the bride and groom worried something will go wrong. A few worried about the food service, some about the timing. .music.. weather. etc etc.

While it always seems to work out, the whole function in general can get boring for the average server. While it's fun to find the person in the crowd that will have the "bust out" cleavage experience while dancing, or the lone guy that wants to just get drunk and hopefully pick up a girl that won't mind his breath, bad hair and suit, or obnoxious attitude, the whole process of setting up, serving, and cleaning up can get pretty mundane.

Which is fine.

After all, the job of the catering hall, server, and bartender, is to be experienced enough to know what all are doing, and make the 5 hour stay of the guests enjoyable. It's supposed to run smoothly, it's supposed to be same ole' same ole'..

After all, no matter how many times I see steak, stuffed chicken, make salads, serve drinks, and clean up beads on a table that can break a sweeper, it's new and fresh for the guests. It may be the the first time they ever experienced that crab stuffed chicken. Though I see it a lot. It may be the first time that Fillet Mignon entered their digestive system. A lot of times for me.

One thing that is a plus for a server, though, is the fact that while the event and service stays the same, the crowd can be remarkably different. That's what I guess makes it new enough to keep doing it. Even though I am getting really sick of seeing stuffed chicken breasts...

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Ed Rendell signs smoking ban

Pennsylvania the newest state to ban smoking..

MORE: Governor Rendell signed the legislation, which goes into effect in 90 days..

The bill enacted restricts smoking in most public places, including eating establishments. There were exemptions in the bill. For example, smoking will be allowed at bars that take in less than 20 percent of their revenue from food sales. Fudge those books while you have time!

Mixed reactions in the Keystone State.

Among the exemptions: Those exempted from Pennsylvania's smoking ban:


· Bars deriving less than 20 percent of their revenue from food sales


· Tobacco shops


· Private clubs like the American Legion, Owls Club and VFW, depending on votes by their membership


· Portions of casino floors

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Look to France

Smoking continues to get banned in more and more states across the United States.. and as it happens, look to the French!

saying goodbye to restraurants and bars that banned smoking in favor of private clubsthat allow it..

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The world about to change in New York City

Goodbye old world, hello health.

Trans fats are banned in New York City as of July 1, 2008. The final phase of new regulations in the city requiring restaurants to clear artificial trans fat from all their menu items. Foods served in the manufacturer’s original, sealed packaging, such as candy and crackers, are still exempt..

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The brave new fast food world

Maybe they can make peace?

25 brand new Hardees to open in Pakistan

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